You know, I am realizing that if I don't step out there and take a chance in life I will never know how much is out there for me. I have a hard time having self confidence. It is something I have never allowed myself to have and I feel like I am being cocky when I have some. I have to learn the difference and learn to tell myself that confidence is a good thing. I am realizing that if I don't put myself out there, try things, and guess what.... fail, that I will never know if I could have been successful at it. I worry way too much of what people think of me and what I do. I am trying to learn that at the end of the day, guess what...??? It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. They don't live my life and they are not going to make me happy..I am, so I have to worry about me and what makes me happy. I have also realized that without trying, I will never know if I could have done it. So at the end of the day the worst that could happen is I fail. So What?! At least I will not wonder for the rest of my life what could have been.
So this now brings me to the reason for my blog today. I have felt a HUGE pull (and I know it is God leading me to where he wants me) to speak to groups of people. I am not really sure how I am supposed to do this and I feel it will all fall into place in the right time. I also am seriously considering writing a actual book about my journey. I feel a huge pull to do this also. I feel I need to tell my complete story and journey, that through that I can reach and help so many people. It just comes so natural for me to talk about it. I can literally stand up in front of anyone and ramble on about my journey.......Lindsay... the shy fat girl that wanted to die before she spoke in front of people....Wants to speak to big groups...Crazy right????? No it's a God thing.....That is the only thing that can explain it. So I am going to start the process of putting all my thoughts and experiences on paper and sort it out into chapters and see what happens. I want to help people change their lives, I feel it is my purpose now. I feel that I have lived the life I have to help me put that toward helping other people. I know it sounds crazy and all that....but I feel too big of a pull to ignore this. I am wondering now if writing a book is where my speaking to groups of people will come in....Hmmmmm interesting I know...... I just know that the career in veterinary medicine I was in, I had maxed out. I was as high as I could be in that career and I was not ok with that. I want to climb that ladder and have somewhere to strive to be. I want the sky to be my limit, not know that I have gone as far as I can go and not be very far at all. I want to get up everyday and say "I am going to work today to change lives", yeah that's what I want to do.. I want to at the end of the day have no regrets and not wonder what could have been....
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