Ok So Not Every Job is For Me......

Ok some of you will find this funny like me, and maybe some of you not..... I get myself into the stickiest situations I SWEAR!!!!!!!  I have a family friend, she is kind of like a second mom and grandmother to my kids...love her dearly.  Well she owns a courier service, you know like driving and picking up lab samples, mail, etc and delivering it to the lab or whereever it is going. Well...brilliant here had this great idea that I could do some work for her until my other job came available....Now...if you know me very well you know I could get lost in a freaking shoe box.....  I can have directions...really good ones and still screw it up and get lost......Now what made me think I can deliver stuff to places I know nothing about... UGHHHH.. So I ride with her all day on Friday with her spitting out directions all day(like I will remember any of them) and I swear I was having a internal panic attack the whole day OMMMMGGGG....  I came home and had a migraine!!!!  So I had agreed to do these two runs this weekend...Not knowing wheere I was going...Needless to say I drug poor Mike out of bed at 6am yesterday and today...Oh he was thrilled.. he had to gps it for me..when in the hopsital I would turn down the wrong hall....LOLLLLL on the way out, I mean I had just walked down that hall 5 minutes earlier and I couldn't remember which way to go LOLLL That is how bad I am....And also one of the runs would require me to go to Princeton Hospital off of Archadelphia Rd... If you are not familiar with this area...well let's just say a young girl has NO business being on that side of town alone after dark....So after doing this for TWO whole days I had to tell her it's just not for me!!!  Haha I feel like such a loser lolllll...Oh well I am just going to stay at home and be a mom for now...Hopefully Medifast will need me soon, if not that is fine...I need some time to just be a mom and get my house in order, I am totally ok with this.  I probably have enough to do to keep me busy for months!! lol  Sooooo I have discovered that not everything out there is for me LOLL  I hope this doesnt happen to me anymore.....I may have to go back to this career.  I am keeping my license and that is a good thing... I may have to stay in this field ughhhh.....  But I think I will be ok... I think Medifast is going to work out it just may be later rather than sooner and after this little fiasco.....I will just wait for it LOLLLLLL...

Letting Things Go

Ok I know I am blogging a ton here lately.  Well for one I don't feel good, so I am just laying around so I have a lot of time to think and two I have been thinking and reflecting a lot over the past two weeks with all the changes in my life.  I have realized through this thinking that there are a few things in my life that were consuming me and I let go of them, but one has snuck back in and I need to deal with it. You know it is funny I have to say though, when I get down I tend to pull away and hide away from the world, I avoid talking and seeing anyone as much as I normally would.  You realize who, in your life really cares.  Like the ones that notice this and reach out to me to help me muck through this and tell me to put my big girl panties on and deal with it and move on and make me realize things could be so much worse!!! Or remind me that this is not a bad thing but a wonderful thing and change is not bad.   Then there are the people that you realize don't care as much as you thought..because they don't even realize or care you are having a hard time...kinda sad and yes it hurts...bc what they are not realizing is that right now I need them more than ever, that just a simple "How are you?  You doing ok?"  can make me feel better knowing that they are thinking about me and care....Anyway moving on...
What I need to deal with is someone from my past.  Probably the most manipulative person I have ever met.  They are really good, so good that after causing me so much pain and hurt, they appeared back into my life and fooled me AGAIN!!!!!  Now I have to say it is fine I don't regret it bc in my heart I truly thought they had changed, and so wanted it to be true but it wasn't.  They basically came to me saying they wanted to lose weight that they were so miserable and just needed someone to help them and inspire them and blah blah blah.  I took time to present Advocare to this person as I felt it was a better fit over Medifast. Oh they were so grateful and interested and so happy and they were gonna do this blah blah blah......It was all a LIE and I fell for it again.  It was just their way of sticking their nose into my life, got me to tell them how its been and how I lost my weight so they could go back and gossip about me to all the others that wanted to know.  You know what AWESOME!!!  I have nothing to hide I let go of all that a long time ago and now I have to let go of this one little hiccup, they do not deserve a second more of my time.  I guess I should feel honored that I am so interesting to them that they have do conglomerate a story to get all their information....Sad very sad.  I am sad for this person, I was hoping they had changed but they haven't.  I was so mad at myself at first for falling for their lies again, but then I thought...."No I was nice, I had good intentions and they are the one that was wrong not me, and they have to live with that."  I have a huge heart and I trust WAY to easily.  I want to see the good in everyone and try to find that tiny piece if it is there.  It gets me hurt a lot but that is ok bc I had good intentions and only wanted the best and if someone takes advantage of that the Shame On YOU!!!!  So with this blog I am letting the rest of my frustration of this person go...this is it no more thoughts.  I know now that if they come back into my life again to just walk away it just isn't worth the frustration and at some point I just have to protect myself.

Today I Ended a Chapter In My Life

As many of you know I mentioned some huge changes that were about to occur in my life.  Well today was the day that started these changes.  Today I ended the only career I have every known.  Since I was a little girl I have had a huge love for animals and always wanted to be a veterinarian.  I started volunteering at a veterinary clinic when I was 14.  When I graduated high school I went to college majoring in pre-vet.  Well after 2 years I decided that I didn't want to go to school for that many years so I transferred to a veterinary technician program that was a two year program.  I didn't want to live in this horribly small town, so I drove 1hr 45minutes one way to school 5 days a week.  I have told you before I am dedicated and when I commit, you got me 150%.  I did this for 2 years and I mean my school was from 745am to 4pm every day....It was hard very tedious and time consuming but I did it and finished and passed my national boards to get my license.  I worked at a clinic and then got a call from the veterinarian that I had worked for since I was 14.  I went back to work for him and stayed with him for 8 more years.  I left there 4 years ago almost to the day with one of the Dr's that worked there.  She went on to open her own clinic that I helped her start up.  So you see this has been my complete passion nearly my whole life.  Over the past 10 years I have developed a very close, special and dear friendship with this person.  I am not the same person I was 4 years ago and as I have said before, I truly believe everything happens for a reason.  I believe we were put together for these four years for a reason...I'm not totally clear on all the reasons but I do know one thing...She has been my rock during my weight loss journey.  She has been by my side the entire time cheering me on....Listening to my fears, struggles, ups and downs.  You get really close when you are together more than you are at home most days! lol  Neither one of us are the same .  The past year and half have been life changing for me and my thoughts and passions and so many other things have changed in my life.  I have realized that my passion for my career has fizzled out over time.  I cannot give 150% if my passion is not there, so in saying that I have realized that it is time for me to close this door.  WOW....I am 36 years old....what in the world am I supposed to do now..this is literally the only thing I have ever known or done...  Well, I have realized through my journey that my passion has changed.  I have discovered so much about myself this past year and have realized that my passion is to help people now.  I truly feel in my heart that I am meant to help people change their lives like I did.  I believe I have traveled these roads in my life to prepare me for this very moment.  I am Scared to death....  This is a huge change for me I am literally starting over from scratch and that is scary as crap lol  But I am following my heart and doing what I feel led to do.  Now in saying all this, back to my reason for writing this.  I am very sad today..not because of my decision, but because I won't see my best friend everyday and have her there to talk about all our problems and share our joys together.  I am going to miss that horribly and that is hard to take right now.  I know, I know this is the best for both of us and we are doing what we are meant to do, but no one ever said it would be easy.  Its just a hard change, I  mean when you spend 8 hours a day with someone and then one day that is gone, it stinks LOL  I know I know we can still be friends it is just a big change and it is scary but I know deep in my heart it is right so I am following it.  I said way back in one of my first posts on here that I turned to animals bc they didn't judge my weight....well now I don't need that...I am strong now and there are people out there that are where I was and they need me.  So it is time for me to go help people change their lives and I am excited...scared but excited.  So today was bittersweet....it was the end to a wonderful career and experiences that I would not change one second for anything.  I still have my love for animals but I am ready to give all my love to my babies... I am ready to just be a dog owner not a technician.  Today has been hard I have shed alot of tears but I know it is the right thing to do..I will be ok it is almost like I am grieving a loss and I guess it is somewhat like that.  I will take my time and then I will be over it, that is how I am.  I will be ready to face the world and start my new path! 

To Jennifer, I love you with all my heart!  Thank you for being the amazing Godly woman you are.  You have made me see that I am amazing too and helped me love myself.  You have listened to all my problems and always supported me no matter what.  I truly believe we do share a brain LOLLLLLL  We are so much alike and I swear I have never had someone I can tell all my thoughts to without them thinking I am crazy. LOL We totally get each other and that is awesome.  I feel like our friendship will only grow now bc there will not be the pressure and stress of also being my boss and I cannot wait what God has in store for us!!!!

I Don't Like Change!!!!!

For any of you who know me very well know how much I hate change.  I mean that I avoid it in any way possible most of the time.  I know losing weight was a change but it was gradual over a long period of time so I had time to adjust to it.  I have some Huge life changing things that are about to happen in my life and I am scared to death.  I know that they are totally meant to be and are going to put me where I am supposed to be, but I am still scared.  A lot has happened over the past two weeks.  I cannot go into great detail what it is just that there are some major opportunities that are opening up for me.  Ok, some of you will think this part is dumb, and that is fine just stop reading now if you don't understand my love for animals. LOL  Today I am spaying Eva my last breeding girl, and neutering Emmitt, my last breeding boy.  I am closing the door to my breeding of longhaired dachshunds and it is bittersweet.  These wonderful dogs were brought into my life 12 years ago almost to the day.  I started out with my two boys Patch and Charlie and I fell in love.  I started breeding bc I wanted other people to enjoy the love these dogs brought into my life.  I have raised some wonderful puppies,  found them all amazing homes, and met so many great people that I would have never met if it hadn't have been for these dogs.  So you see, this is a big deal to me.  I will miss the little puppy whines, the little feet,  the puppy breath and the puppy love and kisses that can make the worst of days brighter with just one kiss:).  I took pride in raising wonderful family pets even shipped them all over the US and my children share the love for dogs just like me bc of it. So all my babies yes 12 dachshunds.....Will be living out their life with us just being dogs....they've always been pets to us.  

So I am now looking at all this as just like my weight loss....paths I was meant to go down to make me who I am today.  If these changes had taken place 4 years ago the outcome would be so different because I was a different person and not as strong and confident as I am today.  So I truly believe everything happens for a reason in life.  It may not feel like it and it may not always be clear but it does. I have done the things I have done for the past 4 years to prepare me to do the things I am about to do in my life.  Closing doors in life are emotional and scary but I truly believe that when God closes one door He always opens another.  You have to be the one to make the decision if you are going to walk out that door and into a new one.  So I am doing it! I am taking that leap of faith.  I told everyone I was not settling anymore in life, so I'm not.  I am going after it!  Seeing where it will take me and I hope it will put me where I am supposed to be.....I feel in my heart it is the right thing to do.  What is scary is that I have a peace about it. So now I am stressing bc I am not stressing about it LOL.  It is hard and it is a huge deal but I feel it is right and where I am being led to go...and at the end of the day that is what matters the most right?
So a new year, a Completely new me.....Literally... I like the sound of that.  Bring on 2013...  I am READY!!!!

Something I Never Thought I Would Be Able To Say

So, for the first time in my life I can say I am not trying to lose weight.....WHAT?!?  Like seriously?!?  Yes I am dead serious, it is completely crazy!  For the first time in 36 years of my life I can say that I am not dieting I am simply eating right to maintain my current weight.  Wow!  It feels amazing and to be quite honest a bit unreal.  Last Wednesday, December 5th I met my weight loss goal and started on the maintenance faze of my journey. Now, let me explain I am still eating right and watching what I eat.  This was and is a lifestyle change and it will never be the way it used to be EVER!!!!  I will, for the rest of my life, have to eat right and exercise and that is fine.  I want to continue to be healthy and exercise.  I do NOT want to go back to that person I was.  I am so happy it is crazy!!!  When I started this journey I have to say I never ever thought that I would be where I am today.  I never looked ahead I just knew that I had to do it.  See, I am that person that hopes for the best and expects the worst.  I guess it comes from always letting myself down with my weight my whole life.  And yes people treated me different my whole life, people always let me down it seemed most times just inevitable.  If you have never been overweight you can't understand, but people treat you different.  It seems almost as though they think you don't feel or have feelings.  Maybe they think since you don't love yourself enough to take care of yourself, then you don't deserve love...I don't know but that is the sad truth.  In my head I am still that same girl, so I expect people to always let me down.  That is something I am working on and will continue to battle.  See the thing is to me, if I expect you to hurt me or let me down then when you don't, it is a pleasant surprise, but if you do I am not let down bc I really expected it in the first place.  I know, I know a totally messed up way of thinking but have you read my past posts????  I am a bit messed up LOLLLL  

Here is my huge announcement and don't fall out of you chairs...... I am going to New York City next month to visit my BFF...... For those of you who don't know me well, this is a HUGE HUGE HUGE thing for me.  I used to not go ANYWHERE alone.  Like if you were to meet me somewhere to go out, I would wait in my car til you go there to go in.  It was my weight and lack of confidence, I just couldn't do anything alone, it was sad.  So you see, I am sure this is why so many people have a hard time dealing with this confident independent person I have become bc I was sooo far from this not long ago.  What I want people to understand is be happy for me!!!  I am happier than I have ever been in my entire life.  Don't be afraid of my change, embrace it bc this is who I am and who I will always be!  So back to the NYC talk.  Sorry I can be a bit ADD sometimes LOLL Squirrel LOLLLL  I am going to fly there and OMG this scares me a bit but I am going to do it....Ride in a cab to her place alone!   LOLLLL  Oh Lord this is probably going to be a hoot.  This country girl going to the city LOL I will be in culture shock hahaha.  But that is fine I cannot WAIT!!!!!  So you see, if this had been the person I was a year ago I would have come up with every excuse to not go and convinced her and myself that I really didn't want to go do that.  So this is HUGE for me and I cannot wait!!!!  We are going to have so much fun and I am so glad I get to experience it which my oldest and dearest friend!!!!  YAY ME